It's been several months since I posted anything, and I have been asked on more than one occasion (Mom) when I'm going to start posting again. My internal answer was, "Never!" After all, the only thing I saw in the mirror was the failure of my start a diet, stop a diet pattern. But things are just a bit different right now.
First, in September I gained permission to start a Prism Weight Loss Program at our church. My family has done the Prism program before and frankly, we were all successful at losing weight. Did I keep it off? Well that's another story. I am an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, and worst of all...I eat when I'm stressed. I could make all sorts of excuses for my past failures, but the truth is I simply didn't put my heart into it. I would cheat or not lose weight as I thought I should and then would give myself permission to go down the path that most overeaters take - the path of well I've already screwed up my food for today, may as well enjoy it. I'll start over tomorrow. The problem is we either make these mistakes daily, or tomorrow never really comes.
I've been on the Prism program for nine weeks now and I've learned a few things about myself. First, I maked mistakes - like eating a piece of wedding cake at my cousins wedding over this past weekend. Second, that I actually prefer the taste of and the feeling after I eat more healthy foods. Third, that if I do a program with a great group of people (like my current Prism group) and if I have the buy in of my family (who I spend a lot of time with), then I can be successful. I don't sabotage myself by surrounding myself with people who will constantly try to feed me things that are not in my best interest. Fourth, although I wouldn't have admitted it before - I am addicted to the scale. I don't need and really shouldn't weight myself daily - or even weekly. If I expect a certain number on the scale and don't see it, my first instinct is self sabotage. How could that possibly be a good thing? So therefore, the scale needs to be a tool used only ever few weeks (every six weeks to be exact if you're taking into account the Prism program guidelines). Fifth, I really need to keep my hands busy. If I'm sitting and watching TV, that's fine, but if my hands are full with yarn and a crochet needle or if I'm working on my laptop, I'm less likely to get up and go to the kitchen to see what is available to alleviate my boredom. Sixth, take personal ownership of my own choices. Don't eat something because my husband his (hope you liked the chocolate cream pie honey), and if I do choose to eat something I shouldn't - figure out why.
We all know that the food that is not the best for us seems to have the best flavor. Duh! Who doesn't love a big bowl of peanut butter and chocolate ice cream, or a nice plate of fried chicken and mashed potatoes. And hey, don't forget the nachos! But the truth is, would I rather please my palette for about two minutes (the amount of time it would take me to inhale any of the above-mentioned foods), or please my body for the rest of my life? Wouldn't I rather feel better? Wouldn't I rather have the energy to play soccer with my kids or go on a shopping adventure like I did in my twenties without being worn out after the second store?
All in all the point is this - I need to be faithful to the commitment I've made to this program and my group of wonderfully supportive people. I need to take ownership when I do make mistakes, and be conscious of them so I don't continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. I need to recognize that I'm human and that I can only truely succeed if I change my lifestyle choices, and rely on God's help on the days that I just can't stand it. I need to choose life in the long run rather than the instant gratification of my former friendly foods. And finally, I need to remind myself over and over that I am worth a better life and a better future.
Guess it's like I've always known...this is a one day at a time, one meal at a time, one bite at a time journey and I need to be ready for the long haul.
Oh, and by the way...so far it's been worth it.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
I Nearly Gave Up Today
I woke up this morning wondering why I'm putting myself through this weight loss (or non-loss) roller coaster yet again. I've been working out regularly, I've changed a lot of what I eat, but I'm not losing anything. All of the progress I made last year is gone. I step on the scale nearly every day afraid to look for fear I will see that horrible number show up again - the one that made me feel like I was already being sucked into the black hole of obesity forever.
I'm so tired all of the time. I'm worn out and this weight issue is not helping. I have just over two months before I step onto that airplane for New Orleans. Where do I go from here? What do I do?
So it happened again. I come home after a long day of work, still fighting with my inner self as I contemplate coming up with some excuse to avoid the gym tonight and stuff myself with a cupcake loaded with buttercream icing. I think about every comfort food I love and try to figure out ways to convince my family that our dinner plans should include one or more of these beloved foods. But now the irony sets in.
I turn on my faithful friend, the television, and pick up the computer ready to drown my sorrows in an electronic frenzy. What do I see first? The DVR has recorded another episode of The Biggest Loser: Couples from a season or two ago. Do you know the one? The one with Mike and Ron, father and son - two of my favorite contestants to ever be on the show. It's the episode of the finale and they show recaps of the marathon run the last four contestants. I still get choked up with tears as I watch the emotion on Mike's face as he waits at the finish line for his dad to break through that tape. His emotion wasn't for anything but the pride he felt in seeing his father accomplish such a life changing goal.
Hallie laughs at me this evening, knowing that as with every other episode of The Biggest Loser, I will cry. I guess I'm just a big mush ball at heart.
So what are my goals for today? Not much different than before. I think it's time for me to go back to the beginning. It's time to start doing this one day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time. It's not about the goal of losing 10 pounds. It's about the goal of staying on track.
I'm so tired all of the time. I'm worn out and this weight issue is not helping. I have just over two months before I step onto that airplane for New Orleans. Where do I go from here? What do I do?
So it happened again. I come home after a long day of work, still fighting with my inner self as I contemplate coming up with some excuse to avoid the gym tonight and stuff myself with a cupcake loaded with buttercream icing. I think about every comfort food I love and try to figure out ways to convince my family that our dinner plans should include one or more of these beloved foods. But now the irony sets in.
I turn on my faithful friend, the television, and pick up the computer ready to drown my sorrows in an electronic frenzy. What do I see first? The DVR has recorded another episode of The Biggest Loser: Couples from a season or two ago. Do you know the one? The one with Mike and Ron, father and son - two of my favorite contestants to ever be on the show. It's the episode of the finale and they show recaps of the marathon run the last four contestants. I still get choked up with tears as I watch the emotion on Mike's face as he waits at the finish line for his dad to break through that tape. His emotion wasn't for anything but the pride he felt in seeing his father accomplish such a life changing goal.
Hallie laughs at me this evening, knowing that as with every other episode of The Biggest Loser, I will cry. I guess I'm just a big mush ball at heart.
So what are my goals for today? Not much different than before. I think it's time for me to go back to the beginning. It's time to start doing this one day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time. It's not about the goal of losing 10 pounds. It's about the goal of staying on track.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
How Do You Overcome Temptation?
This question came to me just a few moments ago. But before I give you the answer I came up with, let me recap the day for you.
I started off this morning with the best of intentions, feeling pretty good about my 85 minutes on the treadmill from the night before. Like any other Tuesday morning, I woke up at 6 a.m. and started about my morning routine - which includes a visit to my bathroom scale.
I've become a slave to the scale these past few months, weighing every morning right before the shower. Just last week I finally lost weight, 3.4 pounds. So what did I do, I weighed the next morning to discover I gained nearly a pound. It only goes to prove that weighing every day is not a help to me, but a defeat. So, on the advice and support of my very insightful sister, I stopped weighing. I set a new focus...do everything I could do to lose weight in anticipation of my weigh-in this morning.
So the morning comes, and I visit my friend, the scale. It read 295.4...and I think for a moment...I didn't lose anything. I'm disappointed, and even depressed. I worked out, I tried to eat right, and I lost nothing. Let's be honest...I not only lost nothing, but I gained 0.4 pounds.
I took a hard look at myself today, recounting the previous week. What did I do wrong? Well I let the food control me some days. Even on days where I chose good food, I let my portion control fly out the window as I constantly justified extra food.
So fast forward to this evening. Michael just called, on his way home. His meeting ran late and I've already determined that I'm not going to the gym tonight. We hang up the phone and I wait just a moment before picking up the phone again. I start dialing the number, knowing that when he answers I'm going to ask him to do me a favor. Get me a hamburger - I have a craving. I was four numbers into the dialing when I moved my finger to the right to press the red button. End the call. Stop the sabbotage. My husband is wonderful, but he's an enabler. I take advantage of his desire to make me happy and convince him to bring me food I know is not the best for me.
Now, to answer the question. How do you overcome temptation? My answer is simple...one step at a time. For me, tonight it was one button push at a time. It took four pushes of that red button to erase Michael's phone number and resist the temptation I had to ask for a cheeseburger.
Tomorrow I will resist the temptation to jump on that scale. Tomorrow I'm sure I will have to resist the desire for a cheeseburger (by the way - turkey burgers from Costco are fabulous!). I will avoid the peppermint patties in my bosses' office, and I will happily eat the health food I bring for lunch because it makes me feel better in the end.
I will overcome this life of temptation one step at a time, and realize that I'm only human and it will take time. Oh yeah, and I will stop setting myself up for sabbotage by preying on the generous spirit of my husband. I will do better, and I'll allow myself to be proud of the choice I made tonight.
I started off this morning with the best of intentions, feeling pretty good about my 85 minutes on the treadmill from the night before. Like any other Tuesday morning, I woke up at 6 a.m. and started about my morning routine - which includes a visit to my bathroom scale.
I've become a slave to the scale these past few months, weighing every morning right before the shower. Just last week I finally lost weight, 3.4 pounds. So what did I do, I weighed the next morning to discover I gained nearly a pound. It only goes to prove that weighing every day is not a help to me, but a defeat. So, on the advice and support of my very insightful sister, I stopped weighing. I set a new focus...do everything I could do to lose weight in anticipation of my weigh-in this morning.
So the morning comes, and I visit my friend, the scale. It read 295.4...and I think for a moment...I didn't lose anything. I'm disappointed, and even depressed. I worked out, I tried to eat right, and I lost nothing. Let's be honest...I not only lost nothing, but I gained 0.4 pounds.
I took a hard look at myself today, recounting the previous week. What did I do wrong? Well I let the food control me some days. Even on days where I chose good food, I let my portion control fly out the window as I constantly justified extra food.
So fast forward to this evening. Michael just called, on his way home. His meeting ran late and I've already determined that I'm not going to the gym tonight. We hang up the phone and I wait just a moment before picking up the phone again. I start dialing the number, knowing that when he answers I'm going to ask him to do me a favor. Get me a hamburger - I have a craving. I was four numbers into the dialing when I moved my finger to the right to press the red button. End the call. Stop the sabbotage. My husband is wonderful, but he's an enabler. I take advantage of his desire to make me happy and convince him to bring me food I know is not the best for me.
Now, to answer the question. How do you overcome temptation? My answer is simple...one step at a time. For me, tonight it was one button push at a time. It took four pushes of that red button to erase Michael's phone number and resist the temptation I had to ask for a cheeseburger.
Tomorrow I will resist the temptation to jump on that scale. Tomorrow I'm sure I will have to resist the desire for a cheeseburger (by the way - turkey burgers from Costco are fabulous!). I will avoid the peppermint patties in my bosses' office, and I will happily eat the health food I bring for lunch because it makes me feel better in the end.
I will overcome this life of temptation one step at a time, and realize that I'm only human and it will take time. Oh yeah, and I will stop setting myself up for sabbotage by preying on the generous spirit of my husband. I will do better, and I'll allow myself to be proud of the choice I made tonight.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
What Inspires You?
I felt great on Tuesday! It was my weigh in day and I discovered that I had finally lost 3.4 pounds. True to form, on Tuesday night, I ate. I didn't make bad choices, I just ate way to much of the good choices. Lesson to all: if you eat a ton of something, you've still eaten a ton. Moderation is always the key, but sometimes we let our tastebuds or our emotions run the show rather than the determination of our mind.
I justified myself these past two days with the excuse of "at least I made better choices". Justifiction, excuses...these are bad words for me...just like the word "approximately". If I give myself an inch - I'll take a mile.
So all of this got me to thinking. Several seasons ago there was a gal on The Biggest Loser (my favorite TV show). Her name was Suzy Peston and she was one of the final three players for that particular season. Once she got home for the final portion of the game, she too found herself in the same situation I just described. She was addicted to fudgecicles. She finally realized that she was eating several fudgecicles a day. She would get stressed, she went for a fudgecicle. So what did she do? She threw the box away. That story inspires me. Suzy realized that her good choice was only good when she had control over it. I'm learning more and more every day that I need to have the control over what goes into my mouth, both good and bad.
My husband, Michael, was so excited when we decided to join the local gym. He's wanted to join a gym for the last several years, but I'm tight with money (on certain things) and with the absence of something close by, I felt it would be like the other times we had joined a gym - we would go for a couple of weeks, and then fall of the wagon (so to speak). But guess what...he goes nearly every day. He not only goes regularly, he goes at 4:00 in the morning. He's dedicated himself to the commitment he made to work out and he really seems to be enjoying it. That inspires me.
My sister-in-law, Kirsten, started this journey with me last year. Kirsten has always been the type of person to see a challenge and meet it head on. She worked out religiously, tracked her points regularly, and changed her lifestyle. As a result, she's lost a tremendous amount of weight and has kept it off. What's more, she has continually exceeded her own expectation and pushed herself to a new level of activity. She holds herself accountable, and works every day to make the right choices. Sure there are days that she thinks a choice could have been different, but she is determined and focused and is a true success story in my opinion. She inspires me.
These are only a few examples of what inspires me. I'm inspired in so many aspects of my life, and these are only the tip of the iceburg for what inspires me to lose weight. My best inspiration is the two beautiful girls that live in my house who tell me almost daily, "you can do this mommy." They stand beside me while I do a simple workout on the Wii, running the lap or marching to the Wii band (that is fun). They get on my balance ball (whom they have affectionately named Mrs. Peanut) and bounce around to show me the types of things that can be done on it (I think they are miniature versions of Jillian Michaels). They even try to give me goals to reach and tempt me with rewards (Mom, we can go on a bike ride if you do this....). I love that they have embraced the idea of a healthy life, and that they push me to keep my focus on making better choices.
As I've said before, today is a new day, and so is tomorrow. I'm ready for the gym tonight and plan to continue on the track to a healthy life. This week, I have a goal. I want to lose weight and feel better. It only takes one pound at a time.
I justified myself these past two days with the excuse of "at least I made better choices". Justifiction, excuses...these are bad words for me...just like the word "approximately". If I give myself an inch - I'll take a mile.
So all of this got me to thinking. Several seasons ago there was a gal on The Biggest Loser (my favorite TV show). Her name was Suzy Peston and she was one of the final three players for that particular season. Once she got home for the final portion of the game, she too found herself in the same situation I just described. She was addicted to fudgecicles. She finally realized that she was eating several fudgecicles a day. She would get stressed, she went for a fudgecicle. So what did she do? She threw the box away. That story inspires me. Suzy realized that her good choice was only good when she had control over it. I'm learning more and more every day that I need to have the control over what goes into my mouth, both good and bad.
My sister-in-law, Kirsten, started this journey with me last year. Kirsten has always been the type of person to see a challenge and meet it head on. She worked out religiously, tracked her points regularly, and changed her lifestyle. As a result, she's lost a tremendous amount of weight and has kept it off. What's more, she has continually exceeded her own expectation and pushed herself to a new level of activity. She holds herself accountable, and works every day to make the right choices. Sure there are days that she thinks a choice could have been different, but she is determined and focused and is a true success story in my opinion. She inspires me.
As I've said before, today is a new day, and so is tomorrow. I'm ready for the gym tonight and plan to continue on the track to a healthy life. This week, I have a goal. I want to lose weight and feel better. It only takes one pound at a time.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Back in the Saddle
Have you ever felt like your life was like the song Back in the Saddle? You know the one I mean, right?
Seems like so many of my posts lately have to do with starting over. But each day is a new day I guess.
I spent the last week or two eating everything in sight and still not feeling satisfied. If I had something salty, I wanted something sweet. I ate emotionally. I ate when I was stressed (which these days seems to be all of the time with the chaos of work).
So, after a weekend of ice cream sundae left over from Hallie's birthday party, I made a new commitment, and today I actually stuck to it. I stayed within my Weight Watcher points even though we went out to dinner, and went to work out even though I was exhausted. I didn't work out as long as I would've liked to since my knee wasn't happy with me, but I still did it and even broke a sweat (or as my mom would say, I glistened).
What's even better, I didn't run to the kitchen the moment I got home to gorge myself with the mental excuse being that I had just worked out and needed some energy - some fuel for my body. My body has an over abundance of stored up fuel. I can take a break every now and then.
So this week my goal is simple - lose at least an ounce.
Seems like so many of my posts lately have to do with starting over. But each day is a new day I guess.
I spent the last week or two eating everything in sight and still not feeling satisfied. If I had something salty, I wanted something sweet. I ate emotionally. I ate when I was stressed (which these days seems to be all of the time with the chaos of work).
So, after a weekend of ice cream sundae left over from Hallie's birthday party, I made a new commitment, and today I actually stuck to it. I stayed within my Weight Watcher points even though we went out to dinner, and went to work out even though I was exhausted. I didn't work out as long as I would've liked to since my knee wasn't happy with me, but I still did it and even broke a sweat (or as my mom would say, I glistened).
What's even better, I didn't run to the kitchen the moment I got home to gorge myself with the mental excuse being that I had just worked out and needed some energy - some fuel for my body. My body has an over abundance of stored up fuel. I can take a break every now and then.
So this week my goal is simple - lose at least an ounce.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Setting Attainable Goals
I started this year with a huge plan. I have to get on an airplane in May for a business trip and I was determined to lose 50 pounds before boarding that plane. I've realized recently that I'm thinking of goals in a way that seems to be overwhelming, which ultimately makes me feel like they are unattainable.
Take this past weekend for instance. I went to a scrapbook conference with one of my favorite people in the world (love you Kirsten). I had this vision of me in my workout garb running around the block a dozen times working off the very healthy lunch mind mind had fixed for my consumption. With this new found commitment of the year, I was sure that I was going to be the weight loss angel. Yeah right! Will power - not one of my strong suits. About half way on the drive to Portland, I realized my dream of a perfect guilt free weekend would not be possible and quite frankly wasn't realistic. So, with the help of Kirsten, I retrained my mind. I set small goals and did things one at a time.
First, breakfast. Big surprise, I hadn't eaten anything to start my day and knew that the drive thru was our only choice given the time we had to get to Portland to take our first scrapbooking class. Goal number one, make a good choice for breakfast. I'm happy to say, goal number one accomplished. We went to McD's and I opted for the egg mcmuffin (for you WW buddies - 7 points) and the water I had brought. Lunch was another story. The chicken strips and fries were screaming my name, but it was time to set another goal. Goal number two, make a good choice for lunch. I chose the turkey sandwich on rye, no mayo. I added a Starbucks Vanilla Bean Cream, but ordered without the whipped cream and discovered they make it with nonfat milk - SCORE! I could go on and on about the goals, but I think you get the picture.
I learned a few things this weekend that I wanted to share.
* You don't have to give up the fun you've had in your "past life" before you counted calories and avoided processed foods. You just have to make different choices.
* Pizza is good whether you get stuffed crust cheesy loaded grease dripping Pizza Hut, or the Chicken Bacon Artichoke Delight pizza from Papa Murphy's. Let me tell you friend, that is one good pizza with a fraction of the fat grams and calories. You can practically eat half a pizza for the number of points I usually save for dinner.
* Dessert doesn't need to be a chocolate brownie covered in fudge and loaded with peanut butter. It can be a low sugar yellow cake mix baked with nothing more added than a can of diet cream soda and topped with a lowfat (or no fat) frozen yogurt (the tart kind is awesome - thanks for the introduction to it Michele).
* It is not a human requirement to eat popcorn or greasy potato chips while watching a movie. Keep your hands busy and your mouth will get over it. Crochet or cross stitch. Besides then you have something else to keep your eyes on during the gross parts of the horror flick you're watching.
So, I've decided to set a couple of goals this week that are smaller and more attainable than the overwhelming 50 pounds before May. Maybe if I achieve enough of these, I'll actually make those 50 pounds.
1) Get my new WW code to get the online program started again. Let's face it, I know what to eat, but portion control is not my strong suit right now.
2) Build up my courage to run 30 seconds on the treadmill at the gym. It doesn't matter what jiggles or how long it takes to stop, if I never try it, I will never conquer it.
3) Make sure my rewards are appropriate and not food related. If I lose an ounce, I'm not entitled to a new outfit, nor should I run out and eat a hot fudge sundae.
4) If I skip a day at the gym, either make it up on an off day or do something mobile at home to get my heart rate up.
These are the goals I need to start with. Maybe next week I'll be ready for more.
Take this past weekend for instance. I went to a scrapbook conference with one of my favorite people in the world (love you Kirsten). I had this vision of me in my workout garb running around the block a dozen times working off the very healthy lunch mind mind had fixed for my consumption. With this new found commitment of the year, I was sure that I was going to be the weight loss angel. Yeah right! Will power - not one of my strong suits. About half way on the drive to Portland, I realized my dream of a perfect guilt free weekend would not be possible and quite frankly wasn't realistic. So, with the help of Kirsten, I retrained my mind. I set small goals and did things one at a time.
First, breakfast. Big surprise, I hadn't eaten anything to start my day and knew that the drive thru was our only choice given the time we had to get to Portland to take our first scrapbooking class. Goal number one, make a good choice for breakfast. I'm happy to say, goal number one accomplished. We went to McD's and I opted for the egg mcmuffin (for you WW buddies - 7 points) and the water I had brought. Lunch was another story. The chicken strips and fries were screaming my name, but it was time to set another goal. Goal number two, make a good choice for lunch. I chose the turkey sandwich on rye, no mayo. I added a Starbucks Vanilla Bean Cream, but ordered without the whipped cream and discovered they make it with nonfat milk - SCORE! I could go on and on about the goals, but I think you get the picture.
I learned a few things this weekend that I wanted to share.
* You don't have to give up the fun you've had in your "past life" before you counted calories and avoided processed foods. You just have to make different choices.
* Pizza is good whether you get stuffed crust cheesy loaded grease dripping Pizza Hut, or the Chicken Bacon Artichoke Delight pizza from Papa Murphy's. Let me tell you friend, that is one good pizza with a fraction of the fat grams and calories. You can practically eat half a pizza for the number of points I usually save for dinner.
* Dessert doesn't need to be a chocolate brownie covered in fudge and loaded with peanut butter. It can be a low sugar yellow cake mix baked with nothing more added than a can of diet cream soda and topped with a lowfat (or no fat) frozen yogurt (the tart kind is awesome - thanks for the introduction to it Michele).
* It is not a human requirement to eat popcorn or greasy potato chips while watching a movie. Keep your hands busy and your mouth will get over it. Crochet or cross stitch. Besides then you have something else to keep your eyes on during the gross parts of the horror flick you're watching.
So, I've decided to set a couple of goals this week that are smaller and more attainable than the overwhelming 50 pounds before May. Maybe if I achieve enough of these, I'll actually make those 50 pounds.
1) Get my new WW code to get the online program started again. Let's face it, I know what to eat, but portion control is not my strong suit right now.
2) Build up my courage to run 30 seconds on the treadmill at the gym. It doesn't matter what jiggles or how long it takes to stop, if I never try it, I will never conquer it.
3) Make sure my rewards are appropriate and not food related. If I lose an ounce, I'm not entitled to a new outfit, nor should I run out and eat a hot fudge sundae.
4) If I skip a day at the gym, either make it up on an off day or do something mobile at home to get my heart rate up.
These are the goals I need to start with. Maybe next week I'll be ready for more.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
More Lists
Days like today are the ones where you just want to go home and curl up in the chair with a cozy blanket and a half-gallon of chocolate and peanut butter ice cream. That might have been the way I would handle things a month ago, but not the choice I made today. I can't help but be proud of myself as I think about what could have been, and what was. Instead of diving head first into that chocolate peanut butter goodness, I cooked a broccoli beef stir fry and low fat "fried" rice for my family. I sat with my girls and had a great dinner and then proceeded to make plans to go to the gym with my friend for later this evening.
While I know my post yesterday was all about excuses, today is all about the positive. Here are a few things I've learned on this journey that seemed to be restarted over and over again...
1) I can only walk this road one day at a time. Today is all that matters, not the mistakes of yesterday or the challenges of tomorrow.
2) I won't enjoy the blessings I have if I am a physical wreck. I have a purpose to this journey and I need to remember that with each step on the treadmill.
3) The elliptical machine was probably not made in hell and it's a mountain I can climb and shout from the top "look at me world - I am a conqueror."
4) If I want to give advice on health, I need to actually live a healthy lifestyle. I may have all the knowledge in the world about getting into shape and finding health, but if I don't practice what I preach, I'm nothing more than the emptiness of my words.
5) There's nothing more encouraging on a journey like this than the supportive words of family and friends. I will never tire of hearing the words "I'm proud of you."
6) With every pound lost and every inch that is gone, my smile just gets bigger and bigger. Now I have a great excuse to show off those pearly whites.
7) Although the battles are mine to fight alone, it's nice to know that I have friends who walk beside me, hold my hand, and cheer me on as I kick the fat-meister in the butt. Thank you Kirsten, Deana, Mom, Christina, Michael, Pam, Marilyn and the many others who love me for who I am and see me for who I can become.
While I know my post yesterday was all about excuses, today is all about the positive. Here are a few things I've learned on this journey that seemed to be restarted over and over again...
1) I can only walk this road one day at a time. Today is all that matters, not the mistakes of yesterday or the challenges of tomorrow.
2) I won't enjoy the blessings I have if I am a physical wreck. I have a purpose to this journey and I need to remember that with each step on the treadmill.
3) The elliptical machine was probably not made in hell and it's a mountain I can climb and shout from the top "look at me world - I am a conqueror."
4) If I want to give advice on health, I need to actually live a healthy lifestyle. I may have all the knowledge in the world about getting into shape and finding health, but if I don't practice what I preach, I'm nothing more than the emptiness of my words.
5) There's nothing more encouraging on a journey like this than the supportive words of family and friends. I will never tire of hearing the words "I'm proud of you."
6) With every pound lost and every inch that is gone, my smile just gets bigger and bigger. Now I have a great excuse to show off those pearly whites.
7) Although the battles are mine to fight alone, it's nice to know that I have friends who walk beside me, hold my hand, and cheer me on as I kick the fat-meister in the butt. Thank you Kirsten, Deana, Mom, Christina, Michael, Pam, Marilyn and the many others who love me for who I am and see me for who I can become.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Lists
It was a very busy day at work today and typically after a day like this, I mindlessly make my way home. Today was a bit different though. I was thinking about lists. I am a list maker - those of you who know me well are laughing yourself out of your chair because we all know that I'm not merely a list maker...I'm a bit obsessive. I make lists for the grocery store (who doesn't do that?) and lists for the tasks at work (hey - it helps to keep me on track). I also have lists for bill paying (a God-send if you want to stay within a budget). But I think the funniest is my obesession with making lists for my husband. Just this morning I made a list for him - kind of a to do list. He was home with our sick little one and the list had things like "call school", "call babysitter", get WW code (he said he wanted to join Weight Watchers again). Yup, my list making can only be categorized as an obsession I think.
I made another one of my lists on the way home today. It was a mental list of the excuses why I've failed at weight loss and exercise in the past.
1) My husband sabotages me by bringing home double stuffed Oreos when he wants me to smile. [Hmm...so is the problem that he brought them home, or that I ate them...all of them!]
2) My workout buddy didn't feel up to going tonight so I can stay home. [So apparently my body's ability to work out is directly linked to being in proximity with a friend or family member.]
3) I've messed up the eating today, so I may as well enjoy the rest of the day and restart tomorrow. [Please note, tomorrow is the day after today...not a month or a year later, but the very next day - oh, and tomorrow starts at midnight.]
4) I'm having too many health problems to stress about losing weight. [Guess what - lose the weight and the health problems might get better.]
5) I can't work out because I don't have any workout clothes and I don't want to go shopping for more fat clothes. [Please refer to yesterday's post and then remind me that since I'm overweight, it stands to reason that I own one or a dozen pairs of pants that have elastic in the waist and are made of stretch material.]
6) My husband loves me just the way I am. [True, he does...but I don't love me the way I am so what is the real excuse.]
7) I hate doing things outside - dirt is the enemy. [Newsflash! Dirt will not kill you. Don't you remember the saying when we were kids "God made dirt so dirt don't hurt."]
8) It costs too much to diet and exercise. [Not near as much as the medical bills later. Besides let's think about this....if you eat less, you spend less on food. If you get active, you spend less on activities such as going to the movies and sitting in front of the satellite enhanced television.]
Am I getting it yet? For every excuse I have, I have a reason why it doesn't hold water. So every day is a battle to put the excuses behind me and focus on the positive the future holds if I stick to my plan, keep my commitment and remind myself that every step on the treadmill is another moment of time that I'm adding to my life.
I want to have a full life....not be too full to live life. Maybe tomorrow I'll think of a list of the positive things that this journey has brought me so far.
I made another one of my lists on the way home today. It was a mental list of the excuses why I've failed at weight loss and exercise in the past.
1) My husband sabotages me by bringing home double stuffed Oreos when he wants me to smile. [Hmm...so is the problem that he brought them home, or that I ate them...all of them!]
2) My workout buddy didn't feel up to going tonight so I can stay home. [So apparently my body's ability to work out is directly linked to being in proximity with a friend or family member.]
3) I've messed up the eating today, so I may as well enjoy the rest of the day and restart tomorrow. [Please note, tomorrow is the day after today...not a month or a year later, but the very next day - oh, and tomorrow starts at midnight.]
4) I'm having too many health problems to stress about losing weight. [Guess what - lose the weight and the health problems might get better.]
5) I can't work out because I don't have any workout clothes and I don't want to go shopping for more fat clothes. [Please refer to yesterday's post and then remind me that since I'm overweight, it stands to reason that I own one or a dozen pairs of pants that have elastic in the waist and are made of stretch material.]
6) My husband loves me just the way I am. [True, he does...but I don't love me the way I am so what is the real excuse.]
7) I hate doing things outside - dirt is the enemy. [Newsflash! Dirt will not kill you. Don't you remember the saying when we were kids "God made dirt so dirt don't hurt."]
8) It costs too much to diet and exercise. [Not near as much as the medical bills later. Besides let's think about this....if you eat less, you spend less on food. If you get active, you spend less on activities such as going to the movies and sitting in front of the satellite enhanced television.]
Am I getting it yet? For every excuse I have, I have a reason why it doesn't hold water. So every day is a battle to put the excuses behind me and focus on the positive the future holds if I stick to my plan, keep my commitment and remind myself that every step on the treadmill is another moment of time that I'm adding to my life.
I want to have a full life....not be too full to live life. Maybe tomorrow I'll think of a list of the positive things that this journey has brought me so far.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
A Full Week of Dedication
Today marks a full week that I have stuck to my commitment to the gym. When I started this adventure, my workout partner and I (thank you Deana) agreed that we would make the effort to go to the gym five days each week for at least an hour per work out.
The odds were stacked against me this week. I battled sore muscles and a cold followed by thoughts of guilt and failure, but I persevered.
Tonight starts week two. I'm dressed and getting ready to call my friend to venture towards the gym.
This newfound desire to go to the gym has posed a slight problem however. Let's just say that the use I've had for my workout clothes over the past few years has been as painting attire. You could take one look at a pair of my workout pants and tell the colors of the inside walls of my house. That being said, I journeyed out this weekend with Kirsten to find a list of things. The list contained the need for more activewear or workout clothes and tennis shoes. The trip brought to light an old issue that rings so true with many who are overweight - especially women.
Shoes were no problem. We ran to the Big 5 sporting goods store and took advantage of their great sale on tennis shoes (tons under $20 folks). After building the tower of rejected shoe boxes on the floor in front of me, I found a pair that suited my needs. We proceeded from there to various stores for different things, each time venturing to the Women's Wear department in search of workout clothes. Store after store posed the same problem. Apparently, only skinny people are in need of workout clothes. If you're a woman who wears a 3x top, then you're out of luck. So let's investigate the irony of this situation, shall we? Here I am, a diagnosed morbidly obese woman, on a journey to change my life. I go to the store to get the proper clothes so I can be as comfortable as possible while I sweat off the pounds, and there is little to nothing that will fit me. Workout wear industry, WAKE UP! Fat women need workout clothes too! We need the capri style workout pants (yoga type style please) and tank tops that don't squash our boobs into oblivian. I've had an epiphany.... I think a lot of obese women are still that way simply because they got frustrated on the search for workout clothes and went home only to dive into a bag of double stuffed Oreo cookies as they drowned their sorrows.
Trying on clothes is difficult (and embarrassing) enough when you're a woman of the larger pursuasion. Obtaining clothes to assist you in your adventures towards the "normal" size clothing shouldn't add insult to injury.
All of that said, I did acquire a pair of workout pants that I'm fairly content with. I gave up on the search for another top, but figured I'd just run the laundry more often as I journey towards the tops that will actually fit me.
Pray for me this week folks! Week two is upon us and I'm determined to make it through to the other side.
The odds were stacked against me this week. I battled sore muscles and a cold followed by thoughts of guilt and failure, but I persevered.
Tonight starts week two. I'm dressed and getting ready to call my friend to venture towards the gym.
This newfound desire to go to the gym has posed a slight problem however. Let's just say that the use I've had for my workout clothes over the past few years has been as painting attire. You could take one look at a pair of my workout pants and tell the colors of the inside walls of my house. That being said, I journeyed out this weekend with Kirsten to find a list of things. The list contained the need for more activewear or workout clothes and tennis shoes. The trip brought to light an old issue that rings so true with many who are overweight - especially women.
Shoes were no problem. We ran to the Big 5 sporting goods store and took advantage of their great sale on tennis shoes (tons under $20 folks). After building the tower of rejected shoe boxes on the floor in front of me, I found a pair that suited my needs. We proceeded from there to various stores for different things, each time venturing to the Women's Wear department in search of workout clothes. Store after store posed the same problem. Apparently, only skinny people are in need of workout clothes. If you're a woman who wears a 3x top, then you're out of luck. So let's investigate the irony of this situation, shall we? Here I am, a diagnosed morbidly obese woman, on a journey to change my life. I go to the store to get the proper clothes so I can be as comfortable as possible while I sweat off the pounds, and there is little to nothing that will fit me. Workout wear industry, WAKE UP! Fat women need workout clothes too! We need the capri style workout pants (yoga type style please) and tank tops that don't squash our boobs into oblivian. I've had an epiphany.... I think a lot of obese women are still that way simply because they got frustrated on the search for workout clothes and went home only to dive into a bag of double stuffed Oreo cookies as they drowned their sorrows.
Trying on clothes is difficult (and embarrassing) enough when you're a woman of the larger pursuasion. Obtaining clothes to assist you in your adventures towards the "normal" size clothing shouldn't add insult to injury.
All of that said, I did acquire a pair of workout pants that I'm fairly content with. I gave up on the search for another top, but figured I'd just run the laundry more often as I journey towards the tops that will actually fit me.
Pray for me this week folks! Week two is upon us and I'm determined to make it through to the other side.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
A New Year - A New Goal
I was listening to the radio on my way home from work a couple of days ago and heard something that really solidified my goals for 2010. The radio show was talking about new year's resolutions...well actually it was talking about a change to new year's resolutions. Instead of the insatiable long list of resolutions that will fade away as distant memories, why not concentrate on one word. Use one word as your focus for the year and see where it takes you. Oddly enough, I realized that's what I had already done.
2010 began with determination and dedication for me. I was focused on four parts of one issue: health. My plan for 2010 included (and still includes) spiritual, emotional, physical and financial health. Without health there is no life, and I want a life. So let's examine my four branches of health.
First, spiritual health. This one might seem to be the easy one to those who have known me for years, but in reality it was one of the most difficult. I've spent the last year wondering what my purpose is as a Christian. I knew I loved God and basically that was all I knew. I've spent years in the church doing this ministry or that ministry (this and that being music and youth leadership to be exact), but for this past year (or these past few years) I've been a bench warmer. I felt like an old rag that had been tossed aside. I felt no longer wanted or needed in the church, so I found every excuse I could to stay away. A few weeks ago our church started a Saturday night service. My husband and kids went and I once again had an excuse to stay home. But the more they talked about and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to check it out. So here begins my journey to spiritual health. Last Saturday night, my family and I went to the Saturday night service. Some dear friends of ours also went to check out the new services and it was wonderful. I felt as if I'd found something that was lost to me so long ago. The music spoke to my heart and sparked the joy that can only be found in true worship of the Father. I still don't know what God has planned for me, but maybe my job right now is to sit in His love and be ministered to - truly ministered to. So there you have it, my first step to spiritual health....I went back to church and really sought God. I'm not hiding anymore - I'm here and ready to worship.
Second, emotional health. This one has been bit more difficult for me. I've always been an emotional person. I wear my emotions on my face and often you can find my heart on my sleeve. This one is tough because I used to feel judged for having emotions, put down for expressing my feelings. After time, I just tried to act as others thought I should, never leading with my true emotions. As I started the journey at the beginning of this year, I found a new independence hidden inside. I put away the childish ideas of living up to everyone else's expectations, and started looking at the expectations I had for myself. I expect to be a Christian and serve God. I expect to be a good wife and a good mother to my girls. I expect to work hard at my job by being dedicated and earning what is given to me. I expect to take care of the home that God has blessed me with. I expect to make myself a priority each and every day because if I don't, then I will always be miserable. By making myself a priority, I can take better care of myself and be a better person able to meet all of those personal expectations. My emotions are in check. What I show to others is what I truly feel, and I now understand that I don't have to hide my emotions, nor do I have to pretend they don't exist. I'm entitled to feel, and I'm allowed to share those feelings. There are moments when it can be all about me, and recognizing that I'm worth more than harsh words or criticism is my step one in gaining emotional health.
Third, physical health. I have to say that this time around I'm having fun with this one. I started Weight Watchers last year as you know if you've read this blog before. I lost approximately 30 pounds and did a few things I didn't think I would ever do. I rode a bicycle. I walked a 5K in Race for the Cure. I hiked at Silver Creek Falls and didn't die (although I thought I might die the first time). I worked out with my dear friend and God-sent sister a few times during the week. But then I got side tracked and let the emotions of the fall season carry me away from my goals. I tanked my efforts during those months and gained back 20 of the 30 pounds I had lost. I was so discouraged and really didn't think I had the strength to start all over again. But, I did! The most wonderfully amazing thing happened - we got a gym just down the street from where I live. Living in a small town makes it hard to do things like join a gym, but we have one now and I joined up. I've been going now since Sunday and I feel great. Sore, but great! I'm focused and determined. We've started eating better foods and my next goal is to get back on Weight Watchers so I can get the portions under control. You know what's even better? My husband joined too! We learned a few things over the past few years - like we cannot work out together. We tend to demotivate each other rather than be the cheerleader for the one we love. We thrive on excuses that we can find to stop the progress on diets and exercise. So we made a plan this time. He likes working out in the morning - fabulous! I actually prefer the evening, after the kids are in bed. It works! He goes early and likes having the gym to himself. I like going in the evening with a friend and working at my own pace. I've had days where my arms hurt so bad I can't straighten them, and I've had a cold that's trying to get the best of me, but I'm going and I'm happy before, during and after each visit to the gym.
Last, financial health. Michael and I have been married for nearly 13 years, and I have to be honest....finances have been a definite toll on our marriage. Somehow, I think we got it right this time. We started the year off with a new budget and a plan for our spending. Here's the shocker....we stayed within budget this month, paid our bills, paid our tithes, AND I have a to the penny balanced checkbook for the first time in over a decade. We haven't overspent. We've declined going out to dinner because it wasn't in the budget. We've taken our lunch to work unless we had a special plan otherwise. The result? The knowledge that we can live life to the fullest, and not go into bankruptcy to do it. We have a plan for February and I can't wait to continue on this journey towards financial freedom.
So there you have it. My first post on the blog for the new year. I have a lot of work to do, but I know I can do it.
2010 began with determination and dedication for me. I was focused on four parts of one issue: health. My plan for 2010 included (and still includes) spiritual, emotional, physical and financial health. Without health there is no life, and I want a life. So let's examine my four branches of health.
First, spiritual health. This one might seem to be the easy one to those who have known me for years, but in reality it was one of the most difficult. I've spent the last year wondering what my purpose is as a Christian. I knew I loved God and basically that was all I knew. I've spent years in the church doing this ministry or that ministry (this and that being music and youth leadership to be exact), but for this past year (or these past few years) I've been a bench warmer. I felt like an old rag that had been tossed aside. I felt no longer wanted or needed in the church, so I found every excuse I could to stay away. A few weeks ago our church started a Saturday night service. My husband and kids went and I once again had an excuse to stay home. But the more they talked about and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to check it out. So here begins my journey to spiritual health. Last Saturday night, my family and I went to the Saturday night service. Some dear friends of ours also went to check out the new services and it was wonderful. I felt as if I'd found something that was lost to me so long ago. The music spoke to my heart and sparked the joy that can only be found in true worship of the Father. I still don't know what God has planned for me, but maybe my job right now is to sit in His love and be ministered to - truly ministered to. So there you have it, my first step to spiritual health....I went back to church and really sought God. I'm not hiding anymore - I'm here and ready to worship.
Second, emotional health. This one has been bit more difficult for me. I've always been an emotional person. I wear my emotions on my face and often you can find my heart on my sleeve. This one is tough because I used to feel judged for having emotions, put down for expressing my feelings. After time, I just tried to act as others thought I should, never leading with my true emotions. As I started the journey at the beginning of this year, I found a new independence hidden inside. I put away the childish ideas of living up to everyone else's expectations, and started looking at the expectations I had for myself. I expect to be a Christian and serve God. I expect to be a good wife and a good mother to my girls. I expect to work hard at my job by being dedicated and earning what is given to me. I expect to take care of the home that God has blessed me with. I expect to make myself a priority each and every day because if I don't, then I will always be miserable. By making myself a priority, I can take better care of myself and be a better person able to meet all of those personal expectations. My emotions are in check. What I show to others is what I truly feel, and I now understand that I don't have to hide my emotions, nor do I have to pretend they don't exist. I'm entitled to feel, and I'm allowed to share those feelings. There are moments when it can be all about me, and recognizing that I'm worth more than harsh words or criticism is my step one in gaining emotional health.
Third, physical health. I have to say that this time around I'm having fun with this one. I started Weight Watchers last year as you know if you've read this blog before. I lost approximately 30 pounds and did a few things I didn't think I would ever do. I rode a bicycle. I walked a 5K in Race for the Cure. I hiked at Silver Creek Falls and didn't die (although I thought I might die the first time). I worked out with my dear friend and God-sent sister a few times during the week. But then I got side tracked and let the emotions of the fall season carry me away from my goals. I tanked my efforts during those months and gained back 20 of the 30 pounds I had lost. I was so discouraged and really didn't think I had the strength to start all over again. But, I did! The most wonderfully amazing thing happened - we got a gym just down the street from where I live. Living in a small town makes it hard to do things like join a gym, but we have one now and I joined up. I've been going now since Sunday and I feel great. Sore, but great! I'm focused and determined. We've started eating better foods and my next goal is to get back on Weight Watchers so I can get the portions under control. You know what's even better? My husband joined too! We learned a few things over the past few years - like we cannot work out together. We tend to demotivate each other rather than be the cheerleader for the one we love. We thrive on excuses that we can find to stop the progress on diets and exercise. So we made a plan this time. He likes working out in the morning - fabulous! I actually prefer the evening, after the kids are in bed. It works! He goes early and likes having the gym to himself. I like going in the evening with a friend and working at my own pace. I've had days where my arms hurt so bad I can't straighten them, and I've had a cold that's trying to get the best of me, but I'm going and I'm happy before, during and after each visit to the gym.
Last, financial health. Michael and I have been married for nearly 13 years, and I have to be honest....finances have been a definite toll on our marriage. Somehow, I think we got it right this time. We started the year off with a new budget and a plan for our spending. Here's the shocker....we stayed within budget this month, paid our bills, paid our tithes, AND I have a to the penny balanced checkbook for the first time in over a decade. We haven't overspent. We've declined going out to dinner because it wasn't in the budget. We've taken our lunch to work unless we had a special plan otherwise. The result? The knowledge that we can live life to the fullest, and not go into bankruptcy to do it. We have a plan for February and I can't wait to continue on this journey towards financial freedom.
So there you have it. My first post on the blog for the new year. I have a lot of work to do, but I know I can do it.
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