I was listening to the radio on my way home from work a couple of days ago and heard something that really solidified my goals for 2010. The radio show was talking about new year's resolutions...well actually it was talking about a change to new year's resolutions. Instead of the insatiable long list of resolutions that will fade away as distant memories, why not concentrate on one word. Use one word as your focus for the year and see where it takes you. Oddly enough, I realized that's what I had already done.
2010 began with determination and dedication for me. I was focused on four parts of one issue: health. My plan for 2010 included (and still includes) spiritual, emotional, physical and financial health. Without health there is no life, and I want a life. So let's examine my four branches of health.
First, spiritual health. This one might seem to be the easy one to those who have known me for years, but in reality it was one of the most difficult. I've spent the last year wondering what my purpose is as a Christian. I knew I loved God and basically that was all I knew. I've spent years in the church doing this ministry or that ministry (this and that being music and youth leadership to be exact), but for this past year (or these past few years) I've been a bench warmer. I felt like an old rag that had been tossed aside. I felt no longer wanted or needed in the church, so I found every excuse I could to stay away. A few weeks ago our church started a Saturday night service. My husband and kids went and I once again had an excuse to stay home. But the more they talked about and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to check it out. So here begins my journey to spiritual health. Last Saturday night, my family and I went to the Saturday night service. Some dear friends of ours also went to check out the new services and it was wonderful. I felt as if I'd found something that was lost to me so long ago. The music spoke to my heart and sparked the joy that can only be found in true worship of the Father. I still don't know what God has planned for me, but maybe my job right now is to sit in His love and be ministered to - truly ministered to. So there you have it, my first step to spiritual health....I went back to church and really sought God. I'm not hiding anymore - I'm here and ready to worship.
Second, emotional health. This one has been bit more difficult for me. I've always been an emotional person. I wear my emotions on my face and often you can find my heart on my sleeve. This one is tough because I used to feel judged for having emotions, put down for expressing my feelings. After time, I just tried to act as others thought I should, never leading with my true emotions. As I started the journey at the beginning of this year, I found a new independence hidden inside. I put away the childish ideas of living up to everyone else's expectations, and started looking at the expectations I had for myself. I expect to be a Christian and serve God. I expect to be a good wife and a good mother to my girls. I expect to work hard at my job by being dedicated and earning what is given to me. I expect to take care of the home that God has blessed me with. I expect to make myself a priority each and every day because if I don't, then I will always be miserable. By making myself a priority, I can take better care of myself and be a better person able to meet all of those personal expectations. My emotions are in check. What I show to others is what I truly feel, and I now understand that I don't have to hide my emotions, nor do I have to pretend they don't exist. I'm entitled to feel, and I'm allowed to share those feelings. There are moments when it can be all about me, and recognizing that I'm worth more than harsh words or criticism is my step one in gaining emotional health.
Third, physical health. I have to say that this time around I'm having fun with this one. I started Weight Watchers last year as you know if you've read this blog before. I lost approximately 30 pounds and did a few things I didn't think I would ever do. I rode a bicycle. I walked a 5K in Race for the Cure. I hiked at Silver Creek Falls and didn't die (although I thought I might die the first time). I worked out with my dear friend and God-sent sister a few times during the week. But then I got side tracked and let the emotions of the fall season carry me away from my goals. I tanked my efforts during those months and gained back 20 of the 30 pounds I had lost. I was so discouraged and really didn't think I had the strength to start all over again. But, I did! The most wonderfully amazing thing happened - we got a gym just down the street from where I live. Living in a small town makes it hard to do things like join a gym, but we have one now and I joined up. I've been going now since Sunday and I feel great. Sore, but great! I'm focused and determined. We've started eating better foods and my next goal is to get back on Weight Watchers so I can get the portions under control. You know what's even better? My husband joined too! We learned a few things over the past few years - like we cannot work out together. We tend to demotivate each other rather than be the cheerleader for the one we love. We thrive on excuses that we can find to stop the progress on diets and exercise. So we made a plan this time. He likes working out in the morning - fabulous! I actually prefer the evening, after the kids are in bed. It works! He goes early and likes having the gym to himself. I like going in the evening with a friend and working at my own pace. I've had days where my arms hurt so bad I can't straighten them, and I've had a cold that's trying to get the best of me, but I'm going and I'm happy before, during and after each visit to the gym.
Last, financial health. Michael and I have been married for nearly 13 years, and I have to be honest....finances have been a definite toll on our marriage. Somehow, I think we got it right this time. We started the year off with a new budget and a plan for our spending. Here's the shocker....we stayed within budget this month, paid our bills, paid our tithes, AND I have a to the penny balanced checkbook for the first time in over a decade. We haven't overspent. We've declined going out to dinner because it wasn't in the budget. We've taken our lunch to work unless we had a special plan otherwise. The result? The knowledge that we can live life to the fullest, and not go into bankruptcy to do it. We have a plan for February and I can't wait to continue on this journey towards financial freedom.
So there you have it. My first post on the blog for the new year. I have a lot of work to do, but I know I can do it.
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