I Nearly Gave Up Today

I woke up this morning wondering why I'm putting myself through this weight loss (or non-loss) roller coaster yet again.  I've been working out regularly, I've changed a lot of what I eat, but I'm not losing anything.  All of the progress I made last year is gone.  I step on the scale nearly every day afraid to look for fear I will see that horrible number show up again - the one that made me feel like I was already being sucked into the black hole of obesity forever.

I'm so tired all of the time.  I'm worn out and this weight issue is not helping.  I have just over two months before I step onto that airplane for New Orleans.  Where do I go from here?  What do I do?

So it happened again.  I come home after a long day of work, still fighting with my inner self as I contemplate coming up with some excuse to avoid the gym tonight and stuff myself with a cupcake loaded with buttercream icing.  I think about every comfort food I love and try to figure out ways to convince my family that our dinner plans should include one or more of these beloved foods.  But now the irony sets in.

I turn on my faithful friend, the television, and pick up the computer ready to drown my sorrows in an electronic frenzy.  What do I see first?  The DVR has recorded another episode of The Biggest Loser: Couples from a season or two ago.  Do you know the one?  The one with Mike and Ron, father and son - two of my favorite contestants to ever be on the show.  It's the episode of the finale and they show recaps of the marathon run the last four contestants.  I still get choked up with tears as I watch the emotion on Mike's face as he waits at the finish line for his dad to break through that tape.  His emotion wasn't for anything but the pride he felt in seeing his father accomplish such a life changing goal.

Hallie laughs at me this evening, knowing that as with every other episode of The Biggest Loser, I will cry.  I guess I'm just a big mush ball at heart. 

So what are my goals for today?  Not much different than before.  I think it's time for me to go back to the beginning.  It's time to start doing this one day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time.  It's not about the goal of losing 10 pounds.  It's about the goal of staying on track.