I Nearly Gave Up Today

I woke up this morning wondering why I'm putting myself through this weight loss (or non-loss) roller coaster yet again.  I've been working out regularly, I've changed a lot of what I eat, but I'm not losing anything.  All of the progress I made last year is gone.  I step on the scale nearly every day afraid to look for fear I will see that horrible number show up again - the one that made me feel like I was already being sucked into the black hole of obesity forever.

I'm so tired all of the time.  I'm worn out and this weight issue is not helping.  I have just over two months before I step onto that airplane for New Orleans.  Where do I go from here?  What do I do?

So it happened again.  I come home after a long day of work, still fighting with my inner self as I contemplate coming up with some excuse to avoid the gym tonight and stuff myself with a cupcake loaded with buttercream icing.  I think about every comfort food I love and try to figure out ways to convince my family that our dinner plans should include one or more of these beloved foods.  But now the irony sets in.

I turn on my faithful friend, the television, and pick up the computer ready to drown my sorrows in an electronic frenzy.  What do I see first?  The DVR has recorded another episode of The Biggest Loser: Couples from a season or two ago.  Do you know the one?  The one with Mike and Ron, father and son - two of my favorite contestants to ever be on the show.  It's the episode of the finale and they show recaps of the marathon run the last four contestants.  I still get choked up with tears as I watch the emotion on Mike's face as he waits at the finish line for his dad to break through that tape.  His emotion wasn't for anything but the pride he felt in seeing his father accomplish such a life changing goal.

Hallie laughs at me this evening, knowing that as with every other episode of The Biggest Loser, I will cry.  I guess I'm just a big mush ball at heart. 

So what are my goals for today?  Not much different than before.  I think it's time for me to go back to the beginning.  It's time to start doing this one day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time.  It's not about the goal of losing 10 pounds.  It's about the goal of staying on track. 

How Do You Overcome Temptation?

This question came to me just a few moments ago.  But before I give you the answer I came up with, let me recap the day for you. 

I started off this morning with the best of intentions, feeling pretty good about my 85 minutes on the treadmill from the night before.  Like any other Tuesday morning, I woke up at 6 a.m. and started about my morning routine - which includes a visit to my bathroom scale. 

I've become a slave to the scale these past few months, weighing every morning right before the shower.  Just last week I finally lost weight, 3.4 pounds.  So what did I do, I weighed the next morning to discover I gained nearly a pound.  It only goes to prove that weighing every day is not a help to me, but a defeat.  So, on the advice and support of my very insightful sister, I stopped weighing.  I set a new focus...do everything I could do to lose weight in anticipation of my weigh-in this morning. 

So the morning comes, and I visit my friend, the scale.  It read 295.4...and I think for a moment...I didn't lose anything.  I'm disappointed, and even depressed.  I worked out, I tried to eat right, and I lost nothing.  Let's be honest...I not only lost nothing, but I gained 0.4 pounds. 

I took a hard look at myself today, recounting the previous week.  What did I do wrong?  Well I let the food control me some days.  Even on days where I chose good food, I let my portion control fly out the window as I constantly justified extra food. 

So fast forward to this evening.  Michael just called, on his way home.  His meeting ran late and I've already determined that I'm not going to the gym tonight.  We hang up the phone and I wait just a moment before picking up the phone again.  I start dialing the number, knowing that when he answers I'm going to ask him to do me a favor.  Get me a hamburger - I have a craving.  I was four numbers into the dialing when I moved my finger to the right to press the red button.  End the call.  Stop the sabbotage.  My husband is wonderful, but he's an enabler.  I take advantage of his desire to make me happy and convince him to bring me food I know is not the best for me. 

Now, to answer the question.  How do you overcome temptation?  My answer is simple...one step at a time.  For me, tonight it was one button push at a time.  It took four pushes of that red button to erase Michael's phone number and resist the temptation I had to ask for a cheeseburger. 

Tomorrow I will resist the temptation to jump on that scale.  Tomorrow I'm sure I will have to resist the desire for a cheeseburger (by the way - turkey burgers from Costco are fabulous!).  I will avoid the peppermint patties in my bosses' office, and I will happily eat the health food I bring for lunch because it makes me feel better in the end. 

I will overcome this life of temptation one step at a time, and realize that I'm only human and it will take time.  Oh yeah, and I will stop setting myself up for sabbotage by preying on the generous spirit of my husband.  I will do better, and I'll allow myself to be proud of the choice I made tonight.