Wow, the last couple of days have been hard lessons. I didn't post anything for Day 2 - not a great start to this new endeavor, I know. But to be honest, I let the stress of the day guide me rather than me guiding the day to be less stressful. I learned a tough thing on Day 2 - when I'm stressed I eat, and when I eat I get more stressed. What an ugly cycle to be in!
Work was unusually difficult for me yesterday and my solution was to go to lunch and make wrong choices. Guilt is a funny thing. When I got back to work, I decided to get online and check to see how many Weight Watcher points my lunch choices had stolen from me. I was in for a very rude awakening. One of my lunch choices was to go to Cold Stone Creamery and further drown my sorrows and stresses in a Love It size of Peanut Butter Cup Perfection. Warning! That little ditty will cost you Weight Watchers 23 points. Yup, you read right, 23 points. 950 calories and 56 grams of fat to be exact.
So what was my lesson? Well there were so many lessons I could take from that endeavor. First, and probably foremost, is not to let the stress of the day be all that the day holds for me. Yes, I faced some challenges, and yes I was overwhelmed. But a better strategy would have been to take what happened one task at a time - solve one problem at a time and look back to see the accomplishments, not the defeat of the earlier mistakes made. We all have bad days! We all make mistakes! And sometimes, we just don't handle things as we should. But to medicate my bad day or my bad mood with food does nothing but jeopardize my journey and my health and pretty much guarantees that the day will not improve with each bite I take.
Day 3 - Well today started out better. I was all set to spend a day with Hallie in preparation for her getting braces today. Breakfast out was part of the plan and I felt pretty good about my decision. Egg beater omlet with dry toast and some hashbrowns. Okay, so the hashbrowns probably weren't a great choice, but I chose not to eat them all and they weren't too bad in the grease department as others that I'd had.
Hallie had two requests before braces - corn nuts and a carmel apple. The corn nuts - not so bad. One small package is 4 Weight Watcher points - but watch out for the sodium! The carmel apple - I figured it was better than a Reese's, and besides that was our lunch. But the challenge came at dinner. We went to the buffet at the casino and I tanked again. I was drawn in by the fried shrimp and the prime rib. I fell right back into the old habits - the habits I had when I topped out at 307 pounds. I chose some of the worst food I could eat and I ate plenty of it.
It's not that I can never go and have a piece of fried fish ever for the rest of my life - but having four pieces of fried fish on top of the fried shrimp, prime rib, ice cream....well I don't need to list more - you get the point. I'm back where I started. My lesson today is simple - I need to learn again what to eat and how much to eat. Now is not the time to take liberties with my food choices. It's a miracle that I've kept the first 25 pounds off (I have gained back 5 of the 30 that I lost). Now it's about losing the next 25 pounds.
So tomorrow is another day. Today is another lesson learned. I'm still committed and definitely accountable for today's actions. My new goal - eat right tomorrow - make good choices and start tapping into the lessons I've already learned.
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